Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
