you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Holy sore nipples Batman
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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