I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
