if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
