Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
