I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You left your phone here
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