Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
