Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
