Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
