2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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