I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
