would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
