This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
