Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
