Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
