one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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