He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
