So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
