His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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