Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
