I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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