Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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