If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
