My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
