There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
