apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
