you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
