I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
