I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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