I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
