Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
