Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
