you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
