1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
