I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
