I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
