She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
