Swine flu. Run for my life!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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