Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
