Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
