omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
