i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
