i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
