Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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