Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
