In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Acid is not a monday night drug
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
