Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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