I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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