fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
