I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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