really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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