Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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